I always say the wrong things..

and offend at least 2 people each day and make everything awkward.

I think it was 4 today

First Coffee

I drank my first cup of coffee yesterday morning in preparation for a whole day of exams after sleeping less than 10 hours in the past week. Considering the side effects were already showing (I have loads of bruises from crashing into walls and my vision was blurring :S) I was taking the chance that 1 hour of sleep and a cup of coffee would take me through the day.. It worked.. But the coffee was disgusting!

I don’t understand how so many people in the world can drink at least one cup a day. As a geographer, stats are always important in supporting my point, so: “Last year in Britain, £730 million was spent on coffee. 400 billion cups are consumed each year in the world.” How does that work.. So more money is being spent on coffee than could be spent on other -more important- things?! I’ll just leave the majority of you to enjoy your coffee while some people -like me- will forever be living on water and juice.

Having said that, coffee smells amazing! And I had mocha-buns (摩卡麵包) in Taiwan in a stall in 台北車站 (must eat if you ever go because it’s super tasty and is only ~90p).. although mocha is chocolate coffee isn’t it? Or was that called latte? Hmm.. might investigate another day.

The artwork was me finally trying to draw something using my tablet without giving up halfway. It’s a bit plain, and not all the best, but I’m happy with it ^^ Digital art is more difficult that it looks actually, so for now I’ll just stick to paper and canvas… I shall improve one day… in the far future!

Protected: 天秤就這樣…

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哭，會讓我變得更堅強？

I know this sounds obvious, but I really don’t mean to cry over the ridiculous things that I end up crying over…I don’t cry because I want you to give me attention, to comfort me; in those moments I just want to crawl into a corner and huddle up in a ball away from civilisation.. So in case it happens again, just leave me alone and I’ll sort myself out because little things you do will tend to set me off again.

覺得這一句形容的很好：

天秤座的人永遠都為自己的一時衝動而後悔；脾氣來得快也去得快；永遠都是嘴硬心缺很軟；總是在最熟的人面前瘋瘋癲癲；在朋友傷心難過時永遠都是第一個出現安慰，卻不會把自己的不快樂帶給別人，但只要爆發，誰也按耐不住。

I don’t think I would’ve cried in the lesson anyway, but the moment I heard ‘It’s okay’ I just burst, because nothing felt ‘okay’ at that moment in time. It was like the world has crashed and broken up into a million pieces leaving me unprotected in a giant nothingness. A whole week of revision for mocks/AS exams just meant a lot of pressure accumulated, and the entire day I was getting my results back. What really disappointed me wasn’t just the fact that I didn’t do particularly well, it was more that I felt S1 was the only exam I was confident in and seeing how I lost 25 marks in that just completely killed my confidence levels. At that moment, it felt like the last hope I had had vanished away… So I did even worse in chemistry.. but I was expecting it – not as bad, but I wasn’t aiming too high.. I still really want to do well in these exams though, so I’m gonna try hard and do my best! (My motivation levels are quite low at the moment so I’m trying to re-motivate myself)

A motivational quote from when I was watching 粉愛粉愛你 today.. First time I turned on my laptop in 4 days!

樂蒂：我現在的心情就很像是那種我明明就很努力，可是卻永遠達不了終點… 然後我就開始懷疑我自己是不是做不到，會不會一切都白費力氣了
毛弟：當你自己發現你已經停下來的時候，你再回頭看看從前的自己 -回憶- 從那一天起，我才明白我的人生不能再只爲自己而活。（宇傑對我這麼好，幫我 這麼多，就算這些挫折教我絕望，我也不想讓他失望…這就是我一直往前走的 初衷）
樂蒂：我覺得你說的對，我好像也忘了我自己的初衷是什麽。我應該要好好把 握這一次的機會，不要再讓那些愛我的的人對我失望。
【粉愛粉愛你 第13集 （夏樂蒂&毛弟）】

Forensic Science Course

The books for my Open University course arrived in a giant package today  Can’t wait to start the course.. but too bad it’s due to begin on the day of my first exam  Hopefully I’ll manage…!@!!@

真的有不公平嗎？

這社會不是誰先誰好，也不是誰有能力就比較好，而是會講話的人過得比任何人還好……就這麼不公平的！

有時候，不是你讓機會流走的，而是你拼命想得到它的時候，命運總會把它掉到別人的門口，寧願讓他們搞砸了都不讓你去嘗試…… 也許……也許我不適合……吧？

只能說，至少我有努力過…… （催眠ING）

但看著他們用不認真的態度去做我很認真想去做的事情的時候，心還是會有點酸·

（現在PO的不是在描述一件事情…是我對於很多小事情加起來的心情）

……還是是我太自私了？…地球又不是為我而旋轉的，機會更不是了。

Supernatural experiences

I was watching the episode of MFBBT where they talk about their experiences of the supernatural, and the last part.. 我嚇到連廁所都不敢上 >< (LINK)

Then again, maybe it’s because I went to youtube the trailer of a film they were talking about ‘咒怨’… don’t underestimate Japanese horror movies .__. It uses the most common plot (a pale female ghost), but watching it in the night after scary stories isn’t the best thing to do ><

There’s the ghost stories that you never really believe because you’re never really put into that situation, or you’ve never really thought about it before~ I wasn’t a tiniest bit scared whilst watching ‘The Ring’ when I was 9 but now even the thought of it scares me. Once, when we stayed in a hotel, a lady kept complaining that 她一直被鬼壓 (I think it’s like.. being ‘pinched’ by a ghost?) and her arms were completely covered in bruises when she showed us, but I didn’t believe her and kept thinking it must’ve been an accident. She kept insisting on knocking on the door and letting the ghost pass before she goes in the room, and all I thought was that she was too superstitious.

Now that I’ve calmed down… maybe it really was an accident? I still think I’m gonna get weird dreams tonight T^T -On top of the weird dreams I’ve already been getting – E.g. having to CPR someone, working in a potato mashing factory, being trapped in nothingness… … …

The Pesky Bullet

Minutes after waking up to this dream, I could still feel the bullet lodged in my wrist. As weird as dreams go, I’m not quite sure where all these merged ideas came from. Note: My descriptions aren’t the best.. I wish I could just conjure up a charm to make my memories be able to be collected and stored in a pensieve.

Scene 1 – Dark room, similar to a cinema but much smaller
The main screen was showing a short cliip that we were supposed to act out. The scene in the video was based in ancient China (lanterns, old fashioned clothing, dusty pavements, etc..) and was in third person. The first man (for these purposes he shall be known as 1M) wrote a note, stuffed it into one of the hanging lanterns in a shop and walked after shiftily. The second man (2M) walked slowly toward the laterns and smiled as he read the note saying ‘i have what you are looking for, meet me at the place’ and tucked it into his pocket. Nobody had noticed, except 1M who was hiding around a shopcorner. In fact, the note was just to lure 2M out..

Scene 2 – At the ‘place’
Acting as 2M, me. Waiting for the guy to come out to meet me, I don’t see him (while I’m acting as the character, but the 2nd me that acts as a third person can see that 1M is hiding behind the door with a gun). Suddenly 1M jumps out at me and shoots before I have enough time to pick up my sword that I left on the floor >< We have a shooting war (Yeah, somehow my sword turned into a gun and floated into my hand!) involving the use of guns with unlimited bullets, meaning we looked.. a real mess. Completely covered in blood and bullet holes we stopped the war and curses for a minute; 1M turned around and I grabbed the chance to run up at him, except I don’t end up shooting. Instead we open the door we’re standing opposite, and look out to find that we’re in the middle of the school playground with YR7′s playing football around us. We didn’t want to scare the little kids so we decided against rushing out to find the nearest hospital and instead waited in the shed for a teacher to come and rescue us. We see a (my german) teacher coming in our direction through the window and both shout FRENCH/GERMANN as she shouts ‘put your weapons down and hand over the students’. I open the door to let her in and lock it shut to stop the breeze blowing through the cuts.

‘Will someone tell me what’s going on?’ she says, as we walk out the side door that we entered by, and round the edge of the playground in front of the trees (if you go to my school, it’s the fence between the field and playground..) while on our way to the hospital. Neither of us give a satisfactory answer..Much too worried about dying because the pain was starting to kick in. Soon, we end up at the end of the playground and the playground turns into a car park (as on parent evenings and concerts). Walking alongside cars, we see two figures walking towards us from a distance. (For the purposes of anonymity I’m using code names~ also, by this point the original 1M has already changed appearance 3 times? Dreams eh?). As they get closer we notice it’s Ghost and Apple, so we nod, smile and say hi.. Then the teacher, noticing that we wanted to talk to them more told us rather harshly to talk as quick as possible. So I pretty much charge at them, smiling at Ghost while running straight at Apple, completely crashing into him and squish/hugging him very tightly. He’s like ‘Whoaa, you’re gonna see me later today anyway’ and I reply ‘But I’m about to die any moment now’ T^T ‘No, I’ll be seeing you later’ he says firmly, and then I go back to the others to carry on attempting to get to the hospital. At this point I look down to realise that most of my bloodstains have disappeared and I don’t feel much pain anymore, moreover I’m not completely covered in bullet holes either!

We apparate across to point E2 (on my map! Obviously this wasn’t said out in the dream..) and the people I’m with have changed yet again :/ And so we’re walking along locker lane, except all the lockers have turned a weird brown colour. Then we run up the stairs and HN says her motorbike is parked on the second floor.. but the teacher insists she drives us there so we walk to the third floor and squish into her tiny car – feels a bit like alice in the wonderland, where she becomes bigger and everything becomes smaller.

Scene 3 – The ‘hospital’
‘Where are we?’ we ask, and the teacher replies with ‘my house’.. we ask her why we didn’t go to the hospital but she doesn’t give us an answer. She starts by treating 1M’s foot because a bullet got stuck on the base of his foot (no idea how..he wasn’t exactly sitting down with his feet facing me while we were battling :S) when I hear some loud arguing noises coming from the right hand side door. I go and check out what was wrong to find that the door lead to the neighbour’s house where they were ‘whispering’ about us O_o I close the door, but it keeps opening again, and in the end I give up and wait out my turn.

As I sit down on the stool and the teacher inspects my injuries, we find that there is only one bullet left in me.. and it’s on my wrist. She goes straight into it with tweezers and I scream in pain to begin with, scrunching my eyes not willing to look at the bloody mess. As I begin to feel nothing, I open my eyes and look and she’s still there clawing at my fleshless wrist with her tweezers. The inside of my wrist should be blood vessel, muscle, bone and fat.. but all I could see was the empty shell of my skin and the bullet, lodged in.. nothing. It just refused to come out..

And thus I woke up. Before shortly falling asleep and having a half-continuation of the dream…

Scene A
Walking along the corridors at school with TS as if nothing happened, and then Apple walks past with earplugs in listening to music. Suddenly he runs backwards and shouts my name down the corridor because he’s looking for me because he hasn’t seen me yet so he thinks I’ve died or something and everyone who hears just laughs.

Scene B
We appear at the teachers house again, only it looks different.. The furniture is placed differently and there isn’t a door leading to the neighbours.. Instead it looks like the view of my room as I’m standing from my wardrobe.. except the bed had turned into a huge table and the various other pieces of furniture have morphed into other things too. Apple and TS are beside me as the teacher gets out her first aid kit ready to take the bullet out. A large moth flies in from the window and scares me, so they both help to shoo it out of the window but it was insistent on coming back in, so we decided it was a good distraction for me while the bullet was being taken out, to ‘lessen the pain’.

This time, as the teacher put the tweezers into my flesh and tried to pull the bullet out, blood spilled everywhere and it was just the most painful experience >< This time, the tweezers wouldn’t grip hold of the bullet properly and kept sliding away and it was so painful I nearly broke the table by gripping it too hard. Since the moth distraction had no effect on me, someone else took action in order to distract me, so he leaned in front of me and kissed me.

And then I reawoke.

粉愛粉愛你~

CTS replied to my post  !

I was reading the character descriptions on the official site for ‘粉愛粉愛你’ when I came across something weird.. 毛弟 was supposedly the oldest character at 31, except according to the storyline it couldn’t have been true? Moreover, what director would get a 21 year old to act 10 years older than they are when there isn’t a shortage of actors So I carried on reading the descriptions.. and 汶晞 was listed as 21. So hang on a minute, she was 16 (5 years ago – part of the storyline) when she was living with some guy and flying around the world taking part in concerts.. ? Not saying that’s impossible.. but…

So I posted my findings on the official forum.. and they changed it!  Wheeeeeeeee~~~

I haven’t written a proper post in ages.. And I won’t be writing one today! (I don’t like how all the photos have a weird grey border around it)

【Quote】夢想

我們常因為夢想而開始忙碌…但往往因為忙碌..卻失去夢想..

-毛弟

夢想··是什麽呢？在夢裡才能實現嗎？成功達到夢想之後又怎樣…

有沒有可能我們是為了讓自己忙才有夢想的？